remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I need to sanitize my soul.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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