he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
