one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
