8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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