Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
