There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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