I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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