All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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