My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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