i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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