so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
