I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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