I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
