Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
