I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
