nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Randomize
