Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
