I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
