Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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