that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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