her vagine was all disorganized.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
