we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
they need to just BURY HIM!
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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