they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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