I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
