i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
