so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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