I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Randomize
