i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
