Porn is love you can see.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
as a side note pls kill me
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
