don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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