what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Sober January is a disaster.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
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No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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