I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
People in love make me want to vomit
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
