Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
