and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
why do cheetos always look like penises
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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