you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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