a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
