when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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