We tried having a conversation with our noses.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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