I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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