morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
