Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
