His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
