My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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