jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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