So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
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He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
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I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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