Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
