She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
