Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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