He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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