i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
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I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
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He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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