her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
