pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
