I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
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