i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
