I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
