the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
