she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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