I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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