my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
