This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
