I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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