my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize