The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm at about main and main street
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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