ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
