On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
