He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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