you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
