Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize