Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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