Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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