I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
