He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
