So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
