Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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