Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
