I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
