I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
There r osticjed everywhere
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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