Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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