I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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